Hello, it's me, the 25 years old you.
8 years went so fast, huh? I know you wouldn't expect that we are in our way to master degree now, reached our silver age.
If you ask how are we now, yeah now we are okay, but not the very okay. But we can say okay for short.
Are we still crying a lot? Yeah, but we smile and laugh a lot too.
Are we still have unstable mood? Yeah, but it's a lil bit more controllable than before.
Are we still morbid? Yeah, we got some deformity, disease and illness, but we can handle those better thanks to the national health insurance.
Are we still suicidal? Sometimes, but not as intense as when we were in high school. And we finally have a lil convo with the counselor. We still seek for psychologists while we collecting money and courage.
Are we still getting tense with our parents? Yeah, but things going lil bit better. We even chat a lot with mom about random things. Just need to work more with dad.
Are we still have no friend? No, we have lots of friends now at college and church, even we only keep 3 person to be very close to us. You knew one of them, we met him in high school. I don't know why is he still be my friend until now after many fights and traumas we had. And yeah, we slowly encourage ourselves to reach our high school mates. Sometimes we still being stiff and awkward around them, but we try to keep participating on our upcoming events.
Are we still being awkward in society? Sometimes, but we improved a lot. We are head of our master class. We are also being the PR head division in postgraduate students organization now. We are being conductor in our chapel's choir. We are being active at chapel. We slowly got nerves to talk to our neighbor. The lecturers in master degree appreciate us very well. The chapel community also slowly know us well not only as our mom's child or our brother's but as ourselves.
Are we still fail in love? Yeah, we even have no courage yet to become married, but we have no bad blood with those boys except that one sick harasser. And thanks to my fail love life, we know a little how the LGBTQ+ worlds work hahaha. We're still straight though, we just need time to be ready to love again.
Are we still being messy? Yesn't (?), we do makeup and hair styling, but we did it depends on our mood. We can be a princess in one day then being filthy the right next day. We can be a clean freak one day and have hoarding on the next three days.
Are we still get triggered? Yeah, lots of things trigger our traumas, but they're not affecting our life too frequent. And some of our friends knew it and helped us when we were being triggered.
Are we still have hope for life? Yeah, we still. And we try to keep still.
Let's pray that we will meet the 50 years old us, 75 years old us and more. Thanks God that we are still surviving until now.
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